AIronside travel

Prague 1.

The original one.

It is announced we are going to Prague. Prague in central Europe, Czech Prague. Taken by Nazis and Communists. Great; we are going somewhere with public transport, ugly buildings and terrible food.I’m not good at public transport or ugly buildings, we have loads here at home and I’m sick of bad food, believe me I’ve eaten enough of it in my time.

 

‘And you’re getting a wheelchair’‘Why’?‘You can’t walk and we’re flying out of Dublin’ I can walk. It’s not pretty and almost impossible these days, unaided, on uneven ground, cobbles, wet floors and those things they put at kerbs for blind people. Who thought that was a good idea?The old days. Car/ Taxi front door of airport. Run in with bag, out back door of airport and on to plane.

Now you park three days camel ride from the terminal and have to hike, and queue and hike and queue and wait and walk. Stand there and walk a lot more.‘Why do they call this air travel? It’s mainly walking?  

Away we go.Dublin airport. As I say it’s been a while. The terminal building is huge and there’s going to be a lot of walking and waiting.‘Wait’ (see it started already) A wall phone is lifted and a couple of minutes later a chap turns up with a wheelchair.‘Hello there. How you doing? Get in’And off we go.

 

 

The Dame is barrelling along with the bags in the trolley. Huge queue, wheelchair chap pulls a left. One bag is destined for the hold and off we go again. Sit comfortably and read for a bit, grumpily refuse coffee as it’s not even sparrow fart yet. Another chap comes up behind me, says ‘Good Morning’ and off we go again.

 

There’s a huge queue, if this plane crashes it will be the equivalent of killing the entire population of a small village.Bags and jacket go through as does belt, weirdly enough my elderly solid wood walking stick gets x rayed as well. The chap in charge see’s the look on my face and apologises telling me that I wouldn’t believe what has been found in the past.‘Right’ says a chap from behind the metal detectors ‘Can you stand up’?‘Of course I can stand up’. And do.‘Just don’t push him’ says my chum ‘He’ll fall over’There may have been giggling at this bit.Me and the stick lurches through the metal detector with the predictable result. The resulting pat search is thorough, pronounced fine and I’m seated again to wait for the plane.Wheeled to the plane and put on (this is called an air bridge and you don’t have to worry about being wheeled across an airfield and hoisted up in an open lift).Seated. Just remember to go to the loo. Aircraft loos aren’t even short, skinny mobile person friendly.Up at one end and down the other it’s the same process backwards only replacing security with customs and police. Being wheeled by an airport chap with airside security tags certainly speeds things up.Before long we are wished farewell and off to a taxi stand.

 

Taxis used to be a licence to steal. Now they’re regulated. At least have the wit to use something which looks like a taxi. Yellow VW passats or if booked from the hotel, Skoda’s. Get it from a reputable source.Driving, for a start it’s on the wrong side of the road. And it’s quick. There’s a lot of lane changing and muttering at speed. Don’t worry. The taxi will halt at the front of your hotel. The door closest to the kerb will probably be opened and the bags will be unloaded. Pay the man and pause to watch the wheel spinning take off down the street. Time is money, forget small talk, you will be interrupting his phone call, steering, gear changing and watching where he’s going.Hotel; this is not a hotel guide. Take your chances.

 

 

Now resigned to the fact that these days for distance a wheelchair is a requirement (and not just a comfortable way of touring the Tate modern). I checked the availability of a mobility scooter. I have seen them here at home and have never considered laziness to be a disability. But Prague is elderly, ex communist, probably crumbling and it’s got cobblestones. Remember that thing we have at kerb sides and on pavements at traffic lights. They will proudly tell you they have whole streets and squares made of cobblestones. Some of the pavements have mini mosaic designs. Tough to walk on and a devil in the wet

 

.Acessibleprague.com

 

delivered a level 3 scooter the next morning. Quick once over (making sure I wasn’t a complete looper) and off we went.

Europeans like cobblestones, you need all the suspension you can get. These are pretty good.

 

The dame is an old Prague hand so all I did was follow orders,  Accessibleprague.com also have a big book of maps and routes which are very scooter friendly. Read these before you go out and not when you get back.

 

Stuff to know.These things are rare and you will get a second or third look. Live with it and smile for the camera.The things are whisper quiet so creeping up behind people is possible with unpredictable results. Don’t use the horn (unless you’re blonde and missing the BMW at home).

 

Most people will move when they see you coming. It’s a big busy place. Not everyone will be paying attention and those who appear grouchy and rude may well just be terminally hung-over.You’re disabled, not Royalty. Live and let live. Please and a nod goes a long way.Your companion will be walked into, sideswiped and battered by speed walking, big headphone wearing young people. Your job is to look as confused as they do when they manage to trip over a previously unseen mobile scooter.

 

Remember they drive on the wrong side of the road. When crossing a road make sure the kerb is angled both at entrance and exit. Just because it’s doable at your side don’t assume that it’s the same at the far side of the street. There’s one beauty on a busy street which has a beautifully tapered kerb on to a freshly painted zebra crossing, far side of the street has a solid 14 inch high flat sided kerb. (We measured it; of course the dame carries a tape measure) You will not lift or drive a mobility scooter up something like that (Unless you’re going for the pointless hernia award). Look where you’re going and if the pavement looks to be narrowing it probably is.. It may well perfect your reversing skills. Time spent in reconnaissance is never wasted

 

.Road junctions with zebra crossings angled kerbs. Watch and wait get a feel for the flow of the traffic if it’s clear, go. If a vehicle doesn’t look like its going to stop, it probably won’t. Taxis, scooters Beemer’s, Black Mercedes use caution. I’m not saying they won’t stop, what I am staying is you don’t want to find out. Give them time to see you; don’t rely on right of way.While having a beer we watched a girl in a German vehicle, text, smoke and drive straight across the middle of two zebra crossings.

 

Once again a wave and a smile works wonders when they stop.Dealing with crowds. Just deal with it. Americans will be Americans and Germans will be Germans. Getting annoyed at ignorance rudeness and stupidity is like wondering why water is wet.Try and stay on the pavements and off the cobbles. It’s not your machine and it’s probably as bad for your kidneys as it is for the suspension.

 

Or if it is your machine stay off the cobbles. Stay on the pavement, being mown down by a bin lorry or a delivery van is going to cramp your style. Don’t worry they’re equally happy mowing down able bodied and stupid people too

Trams. Prague has trams do not get in the way of a Tram. In fact Trams are the work of the devil treat them as such. Know if you needed to you and your buggy could traverse the tram lines but do it as little as possible. Remember try not to reinforce peoples subliminal prejudices against the disabled. You owe it to the rest of us not to be stupid in front of a large and appreciative audience.

 

I’m six foot and I’m not used to being looked down but on a scooter it’s different we came up on a narrow really crowded pavement with a two foot drop off the edge on to the road. Full of young people all standing about. I paused for a bit and tried a loud ‘Excuse me’

‘Holy shit’, came a voice from about a foot above my head

.Despite them obviously being American I used sign language to explain that if I they all stepped in towards the wall I could continue on my way.  ‘Make a hole’ said the voice from above my head and everyone lined up towards the wall.

‘Thank you’

‘De nada’

‘Tierra del fuego’

And away we went again. We were in no hurry and a little patience works wonders, people will get out of your way, if they see you. Others will walk backwards into you as you are stationary, and then look at you as if it’s your fault they weren’t looking where they were going. This happens frequently and is a lot of fun when you’re sitting on something solid and immovable.

There are walking tours, huge lines of people following a tour guide. These are nothing to do with you and try not to have anything to do with them.Should you and your other person get separated as they march/bulldoze between you. If they’re German just stand and wait until they pass, they will show no intention of stopping. (Or shout ‘Halt’. When they stop wave your other person through ‘Raus’ will allow them to continue and at this point a hasty retreat is advised)

Then there’s Prague. It’s a walking city. Sights shops and scenes best enjoyed on foot (or wheels) it’s geared for it. Had it not been for the scooter I’d have missed about 98% of the sights. And there are sights to be seen.

Amazingly enough the Commies and Nazis didn’t do too much harm to the old town and a lot of it is very pretty and they do beer. If God made beer it would be like this.

 

 

If this is a shameless plug, so be it.

 

Have a beer and watch the passing crowds. Don’t try being a pseud and going for a nice glass of wine, it doesn’t exist in Czechoslovakia yet. That’s why they do bottle openers instead of corkscrews as gifts.

Do the Jewish quarter tour. If male and in a synagogue wear a head covering, show some respect. If you happen to have a woe is I type of disposition do as much of the tour as physically possible. A bit of perspective may do you no harm.

Disabled, don’t like Jews. You wouldn’t have made it to the camp you’d have been straight up the chimney.  Top of the street on the jewish quarter there’s a roundabout, stop for a beer and watch the fun there’s horse and carts, vintage Skoda’s (something you never thought you would see in a sentence) and taxis all going for the same piece of road.

 

‘But’ says the dame ‘There’s the Charles Bridge’.Big deal…….it is. Go and see it.  As you get close. Pause and watch. It’s a timed two ways crossing on a busy road, with Trams. The only way to do it is hit it like gang busters.Give a couple of coins to the beggars enjoy the view.Prague is certainly doable with a little thought and care.There is accessibleprague.com and wheelchair organisations to aid and assist your run round the city. If you rent a scooter take care of like it’s your own it’ll last longer and help somebody else.

 

This is neither a hotel guide nor a food guide you’re on your own here but avoid the gnocchi or anything eaten at a café which advertises anti ageing food on its menu.

Thank me later.Follow the rules on tipping, don’t be mean and watch the receipts some of them will have already added a 34.6% service charge if you think it’s worth it. Fine, if not do the sums and give the usual 20%. You may well find that their previous no English improves dramatically.Have fun. We’re going back to do the other half. The hilly bit.