ironside Travel

Bouncing in and out of Heathrow over the years it ranges from painless to ‘What on earth is going on’. Being well used to dispersing large volumes of passengers they have it down to a reasonable art. This time round, possibly on the back of a recent homegrown terrorist attack. Even getting on to an outbound flight from an internal terminal transfer took time and what I can only describe as more interest than I’m used to. 

They take your photo getting off and match it to your ID to ensure that its really you getting on to the other flight. Modern technology eh. 

 

Comfort and something to read seems to be the watchword for air travel these days.  Thats dressing appropriately as opposed to having all your needs met by an attentive and adoring staff. I’m sorry the days of BOAC are over, (but the good news is they let cripples on planes these days) 

Once through the whole rigmarole and behind the security screen Its perfectly civil and whoever you travel with (its usually BA or Aer Lingus. As far as I’m concerned) they’re awfully nice. Helpful and competent in getting you on and off the plane. Air bridges seem to be the order of the day. So steps, stairs and outdoor windswept lifts are very much a last resort. 

Check your seating you aren’t in a particularly  great seat, have a word with the nice person on the desk. You might be lucky. You’ll definitely  be lucky, if you don’t use ‘Im disabled and I know my rights’. You may still not get your seat, but at least the desk person won’t put the special code in your air travel ID that you’re a complete tool. 

I know it says London Heathrow on the header, but there are other airports and they all have their moments. Regional ones can be decidedly weird and gung ho in the fight against terrorism. P

A spinal injury wheelchair user was refused boarding on a uk to uk flight because of his wheelchair tool kit. Despite being paralysed from the chest down, he wasn’t allowed it as carry on on in case he dismantled the airplane from the inside. With a 10mm and 12mm spanner and socket set. Which is stupid, you need a 2 lb hammer and an 8mm socket to do any harm on a Boeing. 

I’ve a TSA approved Leatherman which freaks everyone out,  yet on checking is waved through. Ive had Microphones and minidiscs looked at. iPods swabbed for explosives. Got into a debate about a fishing hook (It was plastic, with coloured string for practising knots)

And only once have they made me take my shoes of. That was the time, my travelling companion sneaked on a Swiss army knife, 2 cork screws and a bottle opener. Most airport people Ive found are more than helpful. Let them know you’re coming and don’t take the piss.

I like to pretend my rucksacks a carry on, so do the airline. I’ve the weights and measurements for whatever kit I’ve got with me.. a letter of approval  for the battery. Anything attached to the chair or scooter isn’t coming off in a hurry.

The wheelchair user above who was denied access to his flight. The chair was a rigid, the tools were for removing  the wheels and tightening everything back up again once it was removed from the hire car. 

The last time i saw one was on an Irish airport almost 20 years ago, thankfully it wasn’t me using it. 

Heathrow’s big if you’re going from terminal to terminal theres a bus shuttle and its wheelchair scooter friendly. As are the lifts. Welcome to the 21st century where you go straight in one side and wheel straight out the other when you get to your desired floor.  No fancy reversing procedures over people who seem incapable of movement. 

Everywhere’s very smooth and the loos and just about everywhere is readily accessible. 

For London if you’re carrying kit and a wheelchair and need to be at the far side of the city. Forget the black taxis and whatever passes for an airport taxi. 

We pre booked a people carrier which took two of us, bags and a large scooter. Door to door. Our driver was waiting for us at the exit, walked us to where the vehicle was loaded us up and hustled us across town. Of course public transport would have been cheaper but Pink Berry Cars have been doing this for years and know their way across the city.

Be advised, some mini cabs don’t. For a run from the hotel  to the Victoria and Albert. We ended  up having to navigate for him. And it wasn’t any less expensive than the Black cab we used on the way back to the hotel. 

Streets most of London seems to be getting worked on, most have dropped kerbs to get you across roads and use the crossings. Don’t, like everywhere else assume you’ve right of way wait until the vehicles have stopped. Even bicycles and keep an extra eye out for them too. Both on cycle ways and pavements. Pedestrians bring their own many and varied difficulties. Treat it like street theatre and entertainment.  

And race, religion, colour age or education is no guide to reasonable behaviour or pavement etiquette. (if there is such a thing). 

We went to Ypres/Ieper. 

By train, see the Belgian Rail post. Using a Liteway 3. Useful because of its size and floorpan 

Its about somewhere, hottest day of 2017. Not everywhere in Belgium is covered in holes and cobblestones. Just the bits that take you from where    you are to where you want to get to. 

 

Its a very accessible town flat (apart from kerbs and cobblestones) the dropped kerbs aren’t too bad as long as you know they’re coming. 

Thats the square at Ypres, c/w cloth hall and Flanders field museum.

 

The square’s potterable. The Flanders field museum is also wheelchair friendly and very accessible and most of everywhere you want to be can be got to. Its not as scary as Brussels. Its not as busy as Brussels but you still have bicycles tearing about. 

 

Just when you think you’ve got the traffic worked out, then a bicycle tears past in what you think is the wrong direction. It takes a while. 

 

Thats the Menin Gate with one of the lions guarding it on the Menin Road on the way into town.

 

Every night at 8pm members of the fire brigade play the last post. Traffic through the gate is stopped, wreaths are laid and the the town goes back about its business. People come from all over, parties of schoolchildren come from all over and  in the old days one of the firemen cycled out to the gate and stopped the traffic.

 

As of June 2017 Police transits block the road and armed police keep an eye at both ends while the ceremony takes place.  

 

On the street out of town, up to the Menin Gate there’s a bar/cafe on the left. Halfway  up. St Arnoldus (patron saint of brewers) Nicely set because you can still hear the last post ceremony without being in the way. 

Towards the town,  down on the way back down from the Gate, there’s a bar. The Old Bill Pub on the corner where the firemen stop for a pint afterwards. It’s reassuringly decorated with police helmets and memorabilia.

 

Books and souvenirs are available in shops on the way up, or down  to the Menin Gate. It’s amazing what you discover. I found a couple of Lee Enfield brass  rifle oil bottles.

 

There  are tours to the surrounding battlefields, sights and CWGC graveyards. It would be a great shame to get this far and not see the sights. They can be cycled to, if you’re into that sort of thing. 

 

We used 2xplore Flanders-Battlefield tours. Tell Patrick we said hello. 

It was probably the most sensible thing I’ve ever done on a holiday. You can get a Liteway 3 into the back of a VW Sharan. ( and a Ford galaxy, more later) 

 

He knows his stuff and if you give him an indication of what you’re particularly interested in, he can tailor it to suit. Sensible man that he is we stopped at the German cemetery at Langamarck. It wouldn’t have been on my list, but there’s a part of me glad we did. It’s very different from the CWGC set up. 

 

 

We did the 16th and 36th Irish and Ulster Divisions scene of activity around Messines and Wyteschtze,  the Irish Peace Park. (I’d avoid it in November. It would be a miserably and ferociously cold hole)

 

No doubt some will freak out at the sight of school kids scrambling over Tyne Cot. But all over the surrounding area there are small clusters of war graves, some with thousands, hundreds, dozens  and single figure clusters of graves. And that’s everywhere around Ypres. 

 

Back in the town of Ypres, St Aldonus, the bar on the left on the way up to the Menin Gate has a massive selection of beers and some pretty good food . Try the pork roulette and red onion jam.  I know red onion jam, the roulette  is like Pate, rough bread and the red onion confeture.

Awesome. 

 

 

I think I’ve discovered the trick with Belgium beer, you find a type you like, blonde, dark, wheat, trappist there are lots to choose from. I just stick to what I like and get the staff to recommend a different variation on the theme. This they are happy to do especially when you have inadvertently  ordered a non alcoholic one.  (They brought a real one too just in case and happy to take the miscalled one away. 

 

Ypres has wheelchair taxis, people carriers can take a scooter or a manual wheelchair. I don’t think I saw a bus the entire time I was there  and the railway station is just on the outskirts of town. Which from the square at the Cloth House is a twenty minute walk, over cobblestones, streets and kerbs. But it can be done, if you’re on wheels I wouldn’t be doing it to a travel or a tight  deadline. 

 

Again for rail travel, use the Belgian rail contact no, if you can the day before, they’ll get you on the train and probably more importantly off at the far side. 

Again, for a scooter, make sure they’ve got size and weight details. They aren’t being picky there’s a very good reason for it. It’s safety. 

 

Some of the runoffs just aren’t there and the way out (and in) is seriously steep. You need to know what you’re doing. If you’re anyway nervous or unsure, nervous of really steep turns, drops and slopes, there’s a possibility that current rail travel may not be for you. It may get better when when they upgrade the whole rolling stock to double deckers. But at the moment, treat it like an adventure. 

 

The railway staff are very helpful and they know they are working within the constraints of an old infrastructure. But they are updating that as fast as they can.

 

 Poperinghe being a case in point, the air conditioning in the underground working area is a lot better than the public areas in the station. You can see why rail travel is so popular on the continent it works and gets a lot of people a to b and beyond. 

Just give yourself a chance, if you can lay off traveling at peak times, it’ll be a lot easier for you and everyone else. 

 

 

I liked Ypres. But two days was enough, it’s not a happy place. Especially for us weirdo history freaks. There’s just too much to take in.

 

It’s not dark or depressing by any stretch of the imagination. But a hundred years on it’s a place which deserves to be treated with respect. 

 

We were lucky, the weather was glorious, hottest day of the year so far in 2017. I don’t think I’d like it in the depths of a winter evening. 

If we go back, I’ll let you know. I suspect it will be a wildly different experience and not a good one.

 

Brussels airport  All very wheelchair friendly, flat and elevators all over the place. But like all modern airports if have  difficulty walking any distance forget it. The great thing about Brussels Airport if you’re using the train and the airport wheelchair facilities. They’ll wheel you down to the railway station (the rail station is underneath the airport)

Airport station is  completely covered. The trains are all step on, there’s a weird grated step which is an add on to prevent you falling between the platform and the train and the final top step is slightly higher, which is a bit of a bugger when you’ve a rhythm going to get on to the train. For access its really not great (Judicious use of bad language will have you hauled aboard by a passing local)

Standard railway platforms, steep concrete stairs and escalators. These don’t always work but somewhere on the platform is an elevator, hopefully that will be working. 

Bruges Rail station there are two exits, use the main one, it has more taxis and cheaper and quicker to get into Bruges centre. 

Welcome to Europe a lightweight folding boot scooter isn’t going to last very long, nor are your kidneys, liver or joints.

Bruges has  cobblestones and indifferent pavements as long as you keep an eye on where you need to be most of it is doable with care.  Some of the cambers on pavements at garage/delivery access are a bit scary, but a good scooter with a low centre of gravity will cope all right. 

Avoid sand on pavements, it’s not a spill .It s the one thing guaranteed to bring you to a sudden stop. They use it to pack holes in the pavement, so if there’s a patch of sand and no way to get around it, do not attempt to cross it on a scooter, disconnect to drive switch and get a push. Any slope which looks a little optimistic probably is. There’s a lack of sloping kerbs to allow you to cross the road but they do exist. Once again try and avoid driving the thing straight off a kerb it’s not going to do your scooter or your kidneys any good.

Belgian pedestrians are pretty good, if you’re on a collision course on a narrow pavement they’ll step off. After looking over their shoulder for a cyclist.

The place is full of people on bikes. They get to ride on the left, right and centre of the road. Shoot out of side streets and just because its dark don’t assume they’ll even bother with lights. Don’t assume they’re even looking where they’re going.

Be sensible about where you want to go, some old buildings are just completely inaccessible. It’s nothing personal they have been around a lot longer than you.

Happily enough most of the shops and bars are accessible.

The loos. It’s Yoorip you take your chances. We had lunch in one of the upmarket eateries in one of the squares. I went for a pee, right beside the kitchen and the chap who was in  in front of me hadn’t bothered closing the door. He could be seen by the occupants of at least half a dozen tables.

We hit a bar close to the hotel on the way home one evening. Not expecting much, I live in a country full of Irish Bars. Got a couple of beers, asked for the loo and was pointed towards a door to a very well  appointed disabled loo. Surprising given the surroundings, but like the previous incident you never can tell.

Getting around by scooter, its an old city. Use the zebra crossings and wait until vehicles stop. I really don’t get the European fascination for really deep kerbs and cobblestones so the odd detour or about turn is sometimes necessary. Some of the buildings just are impossible to access, they just are. Scooter parking, as the Brugians? Park their bicycles at the front doors of shops and eateries. You can do the same (take the key) we haven’t lost one yet. Nobody seems to mind. The good thing about (and I’ve just worked this out) scootering around European cities is that unlike  the U.K. parking on the pavements just isn’t done. Drivers don’t do it so access is usually unimpeded. Keep an eye out for steps to elderly houses which cut the pavement width in half and make onward progress difficult if not impossible.

One the way back the usual trouble with trains, and stations. There’s not really a lot they can do with the infrastructure.  

As you get off the train at the airport station, keep an eye out or ask around for a wheelchair, there’s usually one about. It makes  getting up to the aiport a lot easier. Especially as the disabled aid centre is hidden right at the back of the airport just beside the search area.

We usually fly in. This time with a prior arrangement in London. Pink Floyd at the V&A, and Fairport Convention at the Union Chapel.

V&A Floyd

Two things, watch where you’re going in the V&A in a chair, its OK the ground floor is perfectly flat. The problem is if you don’t go left or right, theres a straight drop on to another level.

Like everything else, be aware.

Floyd was good. That night, Fairport Convention were doing their 50th Anniversary gig at the Union Chapel.  The UC is an old building. They’ll probably put up a ramp at the front door, unless you know what you’re doing. Ask to come in the back door. You can use it for getting in and out.

 

The front door option it’s really steep and its the physically challenged version of  wheelying  a motorcycle in front of your friends.

If it goes wrong, its going to be spectacular.

Fairport were great. But then again, they usually are.

The next day we were of to Brussels, by Eurostar.

We could actually walk to St Pancras, I didn’t of course, so in we went, bright and airy, shops and people. we worked out where we needed to be. Got tickets and into a sector of hell.  It was bunged.

There were bodies (live ones) all over the place. Obviously the aircon was doing its job, otherwise………….there was an announcement. The crowd moved and disappeared. The place was empty. It filled up again. The crowd moved. I was put on to a lift and up to the train, pointed towards a ramp. And up I went, got a seat and enjoyed the ride. I like trains, they fed us, and gave us an extra bottle of wine, so at quite a clip we arrived in Brussels

We had been warned about the Brussels midi station in and  after the evening. I believe its not safe according to a usually unexcitable source.  We alighted at central. Perfectly simply once again scarily narrow platforms and really quite high ramps.

But I was getting used to it. Out the front door, and………..

Outside Brussels Central Station

Soldiers, right across the road from our hotel. No bother at all, foot patrols  walkin around and out of the crowds and no one paid them a blind bit of attention (They did stop a bomber a week after we left. Same railway station)

Brussels, the trains are either old or new, the new ones are like double deckers, downstairs for wheelchairs and bicycles, upstairs for everyone else.  Or the old ones, really steep high ramp and in on top of everyone else, if theres room.

If not, wait on the next train.

We’d hit Brussels in a heatwave, so we needed beer. Brussels is nice, like everywhere else they’ve either rebuilt it or are in the process of rebuilding it.

this means there’s  stuff on the way, scaffolding, holes, street furniture, kerbs that would give a high diver a nose bleed. But like everything else, keep your eyes open. And again, just because theres a sloping kerb at one end doesn’t mean theres a sloping kerb at the other.

‘TIME SPENT IN RECONNAISSANCE IS SELDOM WASTED’

New bits in Brussels are very, well, new. Smooth, flat, new,  which makes getting around very easy. People are polite, usually big city in a hurry, polite.

But in the bits where there are sights to be seen, it’s sort of  rough. If thats what your used to at home, great, If your proficient on your wheels, then you know how it works. With traffic, make sure they’ve seen and acknowledged you before you start doing anything entertaining. Don’t trust trams and watch out for bicycles and the twits who ride them.

I’m old school, I tend to think of myself as an ambassador and do my best not to reinforce stupid peoples stereotypes about us disabled

This time we took the scooter and booked a wheelchair  at the far end. 

Out of Dublin enplaned with no trouble whatsoever and deposited in 30 degree heat at Schoenfeld. After 11pm. 

General wisdom is there are no wheelchair friendly taxis and if there are no wheelchair friendly taxis then getting a mobility scooter into the city was going to be a problem.

The model I use is a Shoprider Napoli. It fits in a FWD boot and goes into the back of a  people carrier. We found a people carrier taxi at the airport who whisked us into and out of the city with no trouble at all. 

Hotel to Airport €45 incl a tip. worth every cent. (Airport to the hotel was the same)

Book in, dump the bags and go for a pint. We left the scooter on charge and took the wheelchair. (An elderly Days self propelled one).

Pavement was alright, rental wheelchair very flexible and noisy (New wheels) not great) 

Crossed the road on green. aimed for what looked like a low piece of  kerb and was almost pitched out of the chair. on impact. Spun the chair hit it backwards and bounced up as peopled swarmed round us and traffic flowed past. We stopped and looked at the kerb it looked to be an inch square, not chamfered. We filed that kerb for future reference. It turns out we didn’t have to, those little kerbs are very much the norm and not the exception. 

They won’t bother Berlins squadrons of bicycles but they will stop dead the front casters on a manual wheelchair.. And they did regularly.

The scooter, a three wheeler with fat balloon tyres treated the kerbs with disdain, ignored cobblestones and dealt comfortably with the gaps between the train and the platform on the Sbahn. 

As soon as someone develops a never ending battery for it, it’ll be great. 

Shops, bars and restaurants were usually accessible. 

On the streets people, when they noticed you got out of the way or tripped over you when you stopped to let them past. (These weren’t people coming behind me, these were people coming straight towards me). While looking at an art exhibition I was tutted at for making people walk round me.  I didn’t make them walk round me. Its the designers fault for making a machine which is incapable of going sideways.  Apart from the kerbs, the above problems aren’t unique to berlin. They’re the same everywhere. 

People just generally not looking where they are going and relying on speed and aggression to carry them through. 

I don’t use public transport at home but in a place the size of Berlin its a splendid way to get about I’m told. And its all integrated, so if the elevator doesn’t work on the Sbahn you can go to another station and get out via the Ubahn. And return by tram, yes it takes wheelchairs and scooters too.  The underground trains, wait at  where the front of the train comes to a halt, the driver produces a folding ramp and on you get, you tell him where you wish to get off and he reverses the process at the far end. Brilliant. 

The lifts are the weirdest things. Doors open, no one gets out. there is no room in the lift you wave the lift on. Occupants of the lift stare at you until the doors shut and the lift moves. The lift returns. same people in it. same ritual, repeat. In the end an attendant came over ordered everyone out of the lift and waved us in.

Still on lifts here if its just the two of you. person on wheels straight in. person on feet, in and off to one side. When you get to your floor. person on wheels reverses out, followed by foot passenger.. Sometimes the person on wheels will meet an obstacle. usually a man with a suit and a briefcase who is too important to step out of peoples way. As you do not have eyes in the back of your head you wont see him until you come to an abrupt halt.  (We were there  almost a week and I very much doubt if i heard the word sorry or excuse me). 

Apart from the kerbs which are a killer. And road crossing which had the capability of being a killer. Do not take chances on lights. Just don’t. you’ll see why when you get there. Berlin was great. The guardians of the transport system seem genuinely pleased when you tell them how good it is. Everywhere’s clean. The dogs poo under the trees. so nobody walks (or wheels) through it. 

Beggars can be a bit aggressive. One didn’t believe me when i said I had no change. I hadn’t, the only change I had was the was the 50c for the loo. (as it happens the disabled loos are free). 

Very few police about (although loads of them can descend in moments as required). Ambulances and fire appliances are really noisy and are usually in a hurry. 

And no we didn’t get mugged, or pick pocketed or feel for one moment we were in danger of being sold into white slavery..

Museum staff and Lutherans told us off for having a noisy wheelchair they were not best pleased when I informed them it was issued in Berlin and I thought all German wheelchairs were like this. 

Thats the reason you see so few manual wheelchairs out and about, they don’t work. Powerchairs and scooters do, as long as they don’t have ridiculously dinky wheels, and east you need some sort of suspension especially on the cobbles and kerbs. 

The museums and art galleries are accessible and worth the trip. Feed the sparrows at almost any outdoor eatery.

For a bit of quiet contemplation go and see the Kaiser Wilhem Church for a bit of unquiet contemplation visit the memorial to the murdered jews of 

Europe.  In photographs and looking at it it looks benign and unthreatening but once you walk or worse, wheel  through it, well, its the creepiest thing I’ve done in a while. 

Take a tour bus it will give you an idea of the size of the place. thats what the wheelchairs for. They can’t take power chairs and scooters. But they can take a manual chair. Use the mid door on the bus it’s less bother.

Lot of building going on so you need to be aware of your surroundings. As in disappearing kerbs and pavements. 

For the life of me I can’t understand the European fascination with cobblestones. ( they were discontinued in Ireland years ago when the civilians used them as missiles against the police, crown forces and neighbours of an alternative religion). Not great in the wet, uncomfortable underfoot and rattley on wheels. They may well look pretty but that’s about it. 

Like those knobbley bits at pedestrian crossings for blind people. Who thought that was a good idea. 

 The Ironside Travel Bureau

Over the years I’ve been in and out of Dublin. Dozens of times, usually flying visits, gigs, rallies in and out. Never one of my favourite cities I always found it to be worn out with an air of menace about it. 

Nothing ever happened but it was a feeling I could never shake. And as a seasoned traveller I learned to trust my instincts and if my spidey sense was tingling there was usually a very good reason for it.

Dublin airport by the way is great. Heartily recommended unless time is of the essence we fly out of Dublin as opposed to Belfast. 

We were down when Dublin was booming, the celtic tiger was in full swing, buildings and houses were going up all over the place. Everything was glitzy and glossy. The buses looked washed. Taxis drove like………..well taxis driven by people who know that the normal rules of the road don’t apply in their case. 

Once you got off the beaten and well marched tourist trap, things went south very quickly. grim housing, concrete buildings, potholed streets and generally worn out infrastructure. This we were assured would all be rectified as the celtic tiger and progress swept all before it. 

Sadly the wheels fell off. The property bubble burst a lot of people found themselves in in serious debt and the economy collapsed. 

We were back 12 years later, with talk of a recovery. Sure enough Temple Bar and O Connell Street were well scrubbed and polished anywhere the tourists were invited to gather were well lit and wide open. Off the main thoroughfares things aren’t so good.

We took two modes of transport. One bog standard SPW and a Literider 3  scooter. Having seen the state of the roads, pavements and amount of diversions due to roadworks. The self propelled one sat in the car. We took the scooter 

The amount of effort  necessary to propel the chair across some decidedly dodgy pavements and roads made it a none starter. The scooter a well known   sturdily but, tubular frame, 4 wheeler with all the good points of a 3 wheeler. it coped. You just had to keep a very weather eye on what was ahead of you. Some of it was worrying. Time spent in reconnaissance is never wasted. If you’ve a spotter or a pathfinder use them. We spent a lot of time in the liberties and around Croke Park. neither of which filled us with confidence. Again as a venue Croke Park is accessible and the staff are really helpful and switched on.  Its the infrastructure around it which is the problem. You would swear that the whole renovation and refurbishment programme had been handed to a family of gypsy tarmacers. 

Dropped kerbs looked to be recent additions either up or down just slung bits of tarmac to build an edge up. It was better than nothing, but then its the 21st century,  so maybe its not. 

Dublins public transport system used to be called CIE which we  thought was meant to stand for Confusion, Inefficiency  and Exasperation. We didn’t  use public transport, so have little idea of whether its viable. Some of the pavements are in poor shape, potholed, street furniture sticking out or just proving to be a barricade. 

One of the main bugbears in getting around Dublin is people parking cars on the pavements. some them have got it down to a fine art. Just parking so theres just not enough room to get past on the inside. Theres no doubt Dublin has its European influences. When it has a sloping kerb it really has a sloping kerb. 

One major terraced, dark stone, Georgian  street had a a narrow pavement sloping towards  a three kerb, eight foot drop on to a very  main road. We should have taken photos but were  just glad to get off it and on our way. 

Freshly filled potholes in the pavements and roads hastily chamfered kerbs it’s like for the moment they’re just coping so be aware. Like everywhere,  what has become my mantra. Time spent in reconnaissance is seldom wasted. 

We got around it all right. But Care and taking it easy, is very much the watchword. 

Road crossings, traffic lights,  crossings. Obey the rules, I don’t think jaywalking is illegal. I think the view is you shouldn’t need to be told that it’s wrong to step in front of fast moving traffic. I think the sheer speed of the traffic  should give you a clue as to how I advisable it is. 

If like me you run around (sorry) without headphones in, the odd squeal of brakes and a solid thump should give you a clue. Colourful language too. 

And bicycles, yes this a modern 21st century European city. It has bicycle lanes, which means wankers  on bikes. 

Now here I would add another word of advice. Cyclists are the same the world over. They don’t look where they’re going.

They’ve now arrived in Dublins fair city.

You can see where they spent the money and where they continue to spend it, and its mostly accessible. Temple Bar, Grafton Street all accessible the seem to be building and road working everywhere else. it looks busy.

The 3 Arena where a lot of the gigs take place is utterly completely and totally accessible. They get you in, get you out and if you’re staying in The Gibson Hotel which is literally across the street. You can get in, get a pint and sit and watch the crowds streaming out to the venue. 

Accesible parking right underneath. it really couldn’t be more convenient. 

It is announced we are going to Prague. Prague in central Europe, Czech Prague. Taken by Nazis and Communists. Great; we are going somewhere with public transport, ugly buildings and terrible food.

I’m not good at public transport or  ugly buildings, we have loads here at home and I’m sick of bad food, believe me I’ve eaten enough of it in my time.

‘And you’re getting a wheelchair’

‘Why’?

‘You can’t walk and we’re flying out of Dublin’

I can walk. It’s not pretty and almost impossible these days, unaided, on uneven ground, cobbles, wet floors and those things they put at kerbs for blind people. Who thought that was a good idea?

The old days. Car/ Taxi front door of airport. Run in with bag, out back door of airport and on to plane.

Now you park three days camel ride from the terminal and have to hike, and queue and hike and queue and wait and walk. Stand there and walk a lot more.

‘Why do they call this air travel? It’s mainly walking?

This is where it all started

Away we go.

Dublin airport. As I say it’s been a while. The terminal building is huge and there’s going to be a lot of walking and waiting.

‘Wait’ (see it started already) A wall phone is lifted and a couple of minutes later a chap turns up with a wheelchair.

‘Hello there. How you doing? Get in’

And off we go. The Dame is barrelling along with the bags in the trolley. Huge queue, wheelchair chap pulls a left. One bag is destined for the hold and off we go again.  Sit comfortably and read for a bit, grumpily refuse coffee as it’s not even sparrow fart yet. Another chap comes up behind me, says ‘Good Morning’ and off we go again. There’s a huge queue, if this plane crashes it will be the equivalent of killing the entire population of a small village.

Bags and jacket go through as does belt, weirdly enough my elderly solid wood walking stick gets x rayed as well. The chap in charge see’s the look on my face and apologises telling me that I wouldn’t believe what has been found in the past.

‘Right’ says a chap from behind the metal detectors ‘Can you stand up’?

‘Of course I can stand up’. And do.

‘Just don’t push him’ says my chum ‘He’ll fall over’

There may have been giggling at this bit.

Me and the stick lurches through the metal detector with the predictable result. The resulting pat search is thorough, pronounced fine and I’m seated again to wait for the plane.

Wheeled to the plane and put on (this is called an air bridge and you don’t have to worry about being wheeled across an airfield and hoisted up in an open lift).

Seated. Just remember to go to the loo. Aircraft loos aren’t even short, skinny mobile person friendly.

Up at one end and down the other it’s the same process backwards only replacing security with customs and police. Being wheeled by an airport chap with airside security tags certainly speeds things up.

Before long we are wished farewell and off to a taxi stand.

Taxis used to be a licence to steal. Now they’re regulated. At least have the wit to use something which looks like a taxi. Yellow VW passats or if booked from the hotel, Skoda’s. Get it from a reputable source.

Driving, for a start it’s on the wrong side of the road. And it’s quick. There’s a lot of lane changing and muttering at speed. Don’t worry. The taxi will halt at the front of your hotel. The door closest to the kerb will probably be opened and the bags will be unloaded. Pay the man and pause to watch the wheel spinning take off down the street. Time is money, forget small talk, you will be interrupting his phone call, steering, gear changing and watching where he’s going.

Hotel;  this is not a hotel guide. Take your chances.

Now resigned to the fact that these days for distance a wheelchair is a requirement (and not just a comfortable way of touring the Tate modern). I checked the availability of a mobility scooter. I have seen them here at home and have never considered laziness to be a disability. But Prague is elderly, ex communist, probably crumbling and it’s got cobblestones. Remember that thing we have at kerb sides and on pavements at traffic lights. They will proudly tell you they have whole streets and squares made of cobblestones. Some of the pavements have mini mosaic designs. Tough to walk on and a devil in the wet.

Acessibleprague.com delivered a level 3 scooter the next morning. Quick once over (making sure I wasn’t a complete looper) and off  we went. The dame is an old Prague hand so all I did was follow orders.

Acessibleprague.com also have a big book of maps and routes which are very scooter friendly. Read these before you go out and not when you get back.

Stuff to know.

These things are rare and you will get a second or third look. Live with it and smile for the camera.

The things are whisper quiet so creeping up behind people is possible with unpredictable results. Don’t use the horn (unless you’re blonde and missing the BMW at home). Most people will move when they see you coming. It’s a big busy place. Not everyone will be paying attention and those who appear grouchy and rude may well just be terminally hung-over.

You’re disabled, not Royalty. Live and let live. Please and a nod goes a long way.

Your companion will be walked into, sideswiped and battered by speed walking, big headphone wearing young people. Your job is to look as confused as they do when they manage to trip over a previously unseen mobile scooter.

Remember they drive on the wrong side of the road. When crossing a road make sure the kerb is angled both at entrance and exit. Just because it’s doable at your side don’t assume that it’s the same at the far side of the street. There’s one beauty on a busy street which has a beautifully tapered kerb on to a freshly painted zebra crossing, far side of the street has a solid 14 inch high  flat sided kerb. (We measured it; of course the dame carries a tape measure) You will not lift or drive a mobility scooter up something like that (Unless you’re going for the pointless hernia award). Look where you’re going and if the pavement  looks to be narrowing it probably is.. It may well perfect your reversing skills. Time spent in reconnaissance is never wasted.

Road junctions with zebra crossings angled kerbs. Watch and wait get a feel for the flow of the traffic if it’s clear, go. If a vehicle doesn’t look like its going to stop, it probably won’t.

Taxis, scooters Beemer’s, Black Mercedes use caution. I’m not saying they won’t stop, what I am staying is you don’t want to find out.  Give them time to see you; don’t rely on right of way.

While having a beer we watched a girl in a German vehicle, text, smoke and drive straight across the middle of two zebra crossings.

Once again a wave and a smile works wonders when they stop.

Dealing with crowds. Just deal with it. Americans will be Americans and Germans will be Germans. Getting annoyed at ignorance rudeness and stupidity is like wondering why water is wet.

Try and stay on the pavements and off the cobbles. It’s not your machine and it’s probably as bad for your kidneys as it is for the suspension. Or if it is your machine stay off the cobbles. Stay on the pavement, being mown down by a bin lorry or a delivery van is going to cramp your style. Don’t worry they’re equally happy mowing down able bodied and stupid.

Trams.  Prague has trams do not get in the way of a Tram. In fact Trams are the work of the devil treat them as such. Know if you needed to you and your buggy could traverse the tram lines but do it as little as possible.  Remember try not to reinforce peoples subliminal prejudices against the disabled. You owe it to the rest of us not to be stupid in front of a large and appreciative audience.

I’m six foot and I’m not used to being looked down but on a scooter it’s different we came up on a narrow really crowded pavement with a two foot drop off the edge on to the road.  Full of young people all standing about.  I paused for a bit and tried a loud

‘Excuse me’

‘Holy shit’, came a voice from about a foot above my head.

Despite them obviously being American I used sign language to explain that if I they all stepped in towards the wall I could continue on my way.

‘Make a hole’ said the voice from above my head and everyone lined up towards the wall.

‘Thank you’

‘De nada’

‘Tierra del fuego’

And away we went again. We were in no hurry and a little patience works wonders, people will get out of your way, if they see you. Others will walk backwards into you as you are stationary, and then look at you as if it’s your fault they weren’t looking where they were going. This happens frequently and is a lot of fun when you’re sitting on something solid and immovable.

There are walking tours, huge lines of people following a tour guide. These are nothing to do with you and try not to have anything to do with them.

Should you and your other person get separated as they march/bulldoze between you. If they’re German just stand and wait until they pass, they will show no intention of stopping. (Or shout ‘Halt’. When they stop wave your other person through ‘Raus’ will allow them to continue and at this point a hasty retreat is advised)

Then there’s Prague. It’s a walking city. Sights shops and scenes best enjoyed on foot (or wheels) it’s geared for it. Had it not been for the scooter I’d have missed about 98% of the sights. And there are sights to be seen. Amazingly enough the Commies and Nazis didn’t do too much harm to the old town and a lot of it is very pretty and they do beer. If God made beer it would be like this. Have a beer and watch the passing crowds. Don’t try being a pseud and going for a nice glass of wine, it doesn’t exist in Czechoslovakia yet. That’s why they do bottle openers instead of corkscrews as gifts.

Do the Jewish quarter tour. If male and in a synagogue wear a head covering, show some respect. If you happen to have a woe is I type of disposition do as much of the tour as physically possible. A bit of perspective may do you no harm.

Disabled, don’t like Jews. You wouldn’t have made it to the camp you’d have been straight up the chimney.

Top of the street on the jewish quarter  there’s a roundabout, stop for a beer and watch the fun there’s horse and carts, vintage Skoda’s (something you never thought you would see in a sentence) and taxis all going for the same piece of road.

‘But’ says the dame ‘There’s the Charles Bridge’.

Big deal…….it is. Go and see it.

As you get close. Pause and watch.  It’s a timed two ways crossing on a busy road, with Trams. The only way to do it is hit it like gang busters.

Give a couple of coins to the beggars enjoy the view.

Prague is certainly doable with a little thought and care.

There is accessibleprague.com and wheelchair organisations to aid and assist your run round the city. If you rent a scooter take care of like it’s your own it’ll last longer and help somebody else.

This is neither a hotel guide nor a food guide you’re on your own here but avoid the gnocchi or anything eaten at a café which advertises anti ageing food on its menu. Thank me later.

Follow the rules on tipping, don’t be mean and watch the receipts some of them will have already added a 34.6% service charge if you think it’s worth it. Fine, if not do the sums and give the usual 20%.  You may well find that their previous no English improves dramatically.

Have fun. We’re going back to do the other half.  The hilly bit.

A picture of the author in more mobile times. I told you I liked travelling